


Where do birds go when it rains?

by Half_SubmergedinPurgatory



Series: Carry Me Home [5]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Birds, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, allusions to carry me home but you don't need to read the main to read this, everybody had a bird parallel, fear of rain, heavy handed symbolism, pierced kaneki is still a thing here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 03:36:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4419659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Half_SubmergedinPurgatory/pseuds/Half_SubmergedinPurgatory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hinami and Kaneki go to an aviary: A short piece about Kaneki comforting Hinami during a rainstorm. </p><p>-Set Post-Aogiri-</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where do birds go when it rains?

**Author's Note:**

> As always, this piece is a part of the Carry Me Home universe and sheds some light on how Kaneki got into the habit of taking Hinami out during storms. I really feel like Hinami doesn't get enough non-shippy fic looking at her character as more than a sweet innocent baby when she was younger. Kaneki also usually gets too much credit as a big brother figure for her, even though Hinami chose to go with him to provide HIM with moral support, not the other way around. Sure, Kaneki is her rock, but the guy isn't infallible. He's also busy as hell and a bit obsessed with Kanou and revenge. He'd have to consciously place everything else to the side in order to prioritize Hinami. It's not something he could really frequently, y'know?

The staccato beat of torrential rain pounding down on the balcony of Kaneki’s apartment was making Hinami nervous. It was only mid-afternoon and none of the other ghouls would be home until evening. There was no sound in the apartment to dampen the noise of falling water or to distract her thoughts away from the path they were wandering down.  
  
  
Hinami was painfully aware of the fact that the storm raging outside made her deaf to the outside world. She couldn’t hear the footsteps of the people on the streets, even when she concentrated, or any of the birdcalls that usually echoed around the nearby park.  
  
  
There were no scents either, only damp concrete and grass wafting into her finely tuned nose. It felt like she was encased in a bubble ( _a weak and easily broken thing_ ) through which the world could see her, but she couldn’t peer back. **_It was terrifying.  
_**  
  
She hadn’t been sure until now ( _she hadn’t been_ ** _alone_** _before_ ), however, hiding as she was under Kaneki’s bed, Hinami knew she was scared of the rain. It had hidden Doves from her in the past, had covered the dying scent of her mother, and had washed the evidence of her murder from the streets.  
  
  
Rain was a pleasant thing for humans, something only humans could enjoy. It made her weak ( _even more than she was already_ ).  
  
  
What if her brother had died, out and alone during the storm? No. Banjou, Ichimi, Jiro, and Sante were with him. Tsukiyama might even be with them too. They weren’t alone. Kaneki wasn’t weak ( _except she remembered the time that he was. The time he had his hands clamped over her mouth and eyes while he watched what she could not_ ).  
  
  
Doubt niggled at her mind and she gripped one of Kaneki’s discarded shirts to her nose, inhaling heavily. The scent ( _the rain couldn’t muddle her senses indoors_ ) was delicious somehow, though it failed to arouse her hunger. She figured it was like the scent of vanilla perfume to humans. A tasty smell that wasn’t food.  
  
  
Kaneki smelt like food but not because he was a half, right? If he was half-human, maybe the pounding water outside would be a blessing for him. Maybe he’d be safe ( _what about the others?_ ).

  
~~~~~

 

Hinami awoke when the door to Kaneki’s bedroom slammed open and hurried footsteps pattered over the creaky floorboards, vibrating them against her head.  
  
  
“Hinami? HINAMI! I shouldn’t have left her alone…where is she?”  
  
  
Her brother’s voice was strained and she could easily tell that he was pulling at his hair in anxiety. Hastily, she wiped the salty crust of dried tears from her cheeks, scrubbing them cherry red, and pulled herself out from underneath the bed. Immediately Kaneki’s gaze zeroed in on her and he scooped her up into a hug.  
  
  
“Onii-chan?”  
  
  
She whispered, her voice hoarse from the crying that had eventually lulled her to sleep.  
  
  
“Don’t scare me like that, Hina. We came back and we thought you weren’t here anymore. Everyone went ballistic and started searching around outside.”  
  
  
He freed one of his hands to scrub through his own hair in a calming gesture before lowering it into hers. His blackened nails scratched gently along her scalp, massaging and soothing.  
  
  
“It’s a good thing I checked in here. Would you like me to leave out more of the laundry for you or something? I don’t want to force you to come out with us when it’s raining but I don’t want to leave y-“  
  
  
“It’s ok, onii-chan.”  
  
  
She mumbled, burying her nose into his chest ( _it was_ _damp from being outside without a coat…careless as usual_ ).  
  
  
“Your room already smells like you. You don’t need to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”  
  
  
It was strange of her, she knew, to always need this kind of comfort. Still, her nose was sensitive and was her strongest sense. It allowed her to engrave people into her memory and imagine that they were really beside her ( _she’d even clasped at the decayed arm of her dead mother…the twisted part of her still wanted it back_ ).  
  
  
“No, Hinami, no. I’m not uncomfortable with it. I wouldn’t have offered if I was.”  
  
  
She cast a look at Kaneki then, one that screamed “oh reeeeeeaaaalllly?”. He grinned sheepishly, staring off to the side in embarrassment.  
  
  
“Alright, I would. I’m really not uncomfortable though; my mother used to read to me while I sat in her lap and she would bury her face into my hair sometimes. She’d always say it was comforting - the nicest thing she’d ever smelt. Hi- someone else I used to know would say the same thing. So it’s ok. I like it, really.”  
  
  
He explained, his face souring when he nearly mentioned the name that always failed to cross his lips. Hinami nestled in closer to his body and nodded in understanding.  
  
  
“A shirt or two would be nice…”  
  
  
She uttered with flushed cheeks, hiding her face in his warm embrace. A chuckle ( _never as full as before Jason, but worth hearing nonetheless_ ) rumbled through his torso. Then, too early, Kaneki let her go, pushing her gently towards the door.  
  
  
“Tell the others that you’re fine when they come in. They’ll want to fuss over you.”  
  
  
He said, the colour in his voice draining away ( _the smile he aimed at her was brittle and grey as well_ ).  
  
  
“What are y-“  
  
  
She tried to ask him a question, however he gave her the look, flat cold and not quite there, and she scuttled out of the room.   
 

She knew she was a fool to always need this kind of comfort, to always need more than her brother had to offer. Even knowing this, she could not accept the kindness and sweet nothings that were given to her by the gang of ghouls that followed Kaneki. It wasn’t the same.  
  
  
When night fell and the storm outside raged on, Hinami found that she couldn’t stop crying. 

  
  
~~~~~

 

The next time the clouds grew fat and heavy with rain, Hinami headed over to Kaneki’s room. She expected it to be empty ( _he had some mission to do today_ ) and loneliness was a bitter taste in her mouth. When the door creaked open however, Hinami was surprised to hear the shower running and fresh clothes laid out on the bed.  
  
  
There was a brief lull when the shower snapped off and only the high winds outside could be heard. Then there was a voice, raspy and frayed,  
  
  
“There’s somewhere I want to take you today.”  
  
  
Hinami blinked and surprise stiffened her spine. The shower turned back on. Hinami turned on her heel and returned to her room. She had to get dressed.

  
~~~~~~

  
  
Inokashira Park Zoo was a place Hinami had heard of in passing, through colourful commercials on the radio and in cheery pamphlets on the roadside. It had an exhibit she’d always dreamed of seeing but never truly had any hope of visiting.  
  
  
The Forest of Wild Birds was stuffed to bursting with native Japanese birds and visitors could interact with them freely. This wonderland of animals was the place that Kaneki had taken her to ( _sprinting to the train before the rain began to fall_ ). 

   
At the moment, they stood alone in the indoors portion of the exhibit, staring at a red-crowned crane. The crane dutifully ignored them, hopping gracefully from rock to rock at the edge of a koi pond. There was a flicker of silver in the water and suddenly the crane’s disinterested gaze became sharply focused.  
  
  
Its snow-white feathers rustled minutely as it prepared for a stealthy takeoff. It struck ruthlessly and efficiently, spearing the fish first with its talons and then with its beak. The shiny silver koi stopped struggling instantly. The crane, its work completed, strutted over to a nest of chicks hidden in the reeds after staring down the pair watching it. It fed them carefully, as if it was handling glass, and Hinami admired the precision of its movements. 

  
“It wasn’t that visible before, but that crane doesn’t have a crown. Those probably aren’t its chicks.”  
  
  
Kaneki pondered aloud, his expression curious as he glanced around the pond. Hinami looked around too, trying to spot a crane with a “crown” so she would know what he was talking about.  
  
  
“Onii-chan?”  
  
  
She asked, prompting him to continue when no cranes entered her line of sight.  
  
  
“These cranes usually have a red patch on top of their heads with no feathers. It gets really bright during mating season and helps them find mates. If this one doesn’t have a crown, it probably never mated and shouldn’t have any chicks.”  
  
  
He explained, pointing to a place on his own head and drawing a circle with his index finger. She privately wondered why the crane would be feeding chicks from another nest or why something as superficial as a bald spot would determine whether or not the crane got to have a family.   


Her internal deliberation was interrupted when the crane came over to her and Kaneki nudged food into her hands, advising her to stay very still. The crane dignified her with its attentions and accepted her offering of dried rice grains. It pecked them away one by one mechanically, decimating the pile in seconds.  
  
  
Delighted by her first friendly encounter with a giant bird, Hinami began to follow the crane as it fished and prowled its territory. It stoically ignored her, only occasionally checking to see if she was still behind it.  
  
  
Lying in the grass some ways away, Kaneki smiled benevolently at the childish display she knew she made. There were sparrows eagerly tugging at his clothes and he neglected them in favour of watching over her carefully.  
  
  
Kaneki and the crane were pretty alike, weren’t they?

  
  
~~~~~~

 

“Quack, quack, quack.”  
  
  
Hinami stifled a giggle as a flock of floating ducks harassed Kaneki for bread. She snapped a few photos as some of the birds climbed ashore and approached the bench her brother was seated on.  
  
  
The waterfowl were all brightly coloured, used to attention from the visitors, and very showy with their demands. Their plumage was a mix of earth-tones and shades commonly found on a butterfly’s wings, but the deep jewel-toned purples and blues were her favourite.  
  
  
It reminded her of someone but she couldn’t quite figure it out.  
  
  
“Quack.”  
  
  
The duck was nibbling on the cuff of Kaneki’s pants. The expression on her brother’s face was inexplicably annoyed for someone being mobbed by adorable animals.  
  
  
“Quack.”  
  
  
Kaneki responded sarcastically, ignoring the adoring look he was on the receiving end of. He shot a glance at Hinami, gesturing to the bread container beside the bench.  
  
  
“Want to feed them? They’ll like you if you do.”  
  
  
He called out to her. Shyly, she approached, trying her best not to scare away any of the little creatures swarming him. She slipped her hand into the box and pulled out some stale slices of bread.  
  
  
Before she could throw it to the flock, Kaneki’s hand lightly closed around her wrist.  
  
  
“Crumble it up so they don’t choke. These guys are pretty small.”  


Hinami flushed in shame at her near-mistake and Kaneki’s thumb made slow circles over the skin of her wrist in a reassuring gesture.  
  
  
“What kind of ducks are they?”  
  
  
She questioned quietly while she spread bread crumbs over the grass.  
  
  
“Mandarin ducks. Most of these guys are male. The females are a really light grey, white, and brown colour.”  
  
  
He responded, smiling at her softly. Most of the ducks waddled over to the bread, pecking at her hands and quacking for more bread. She gently ran her fingers over the amethyst-like feathers on one of them and soon they were all squabbling for her attention.  
  
  
Her giggles escalated into full-blown squeals of delight and she saw Kaneki’s hand snake out to grasp her camera. She could hear the shutter clicking over the din. More than her new friends or the ticklish sensation of wet feathers on her skin, that noise made her happy.  
  
  
When all the bread disappeared and it became clear that she didn’t have any more, most of the ducks became bored and wandered off. As she entertained those that remained, she heard Kaneki swear under his breath.  
  
  
“Leave me alone, dammit. My pants aren’t made of bread!”  
  
  
The same duck from earlier was still pecking at Kaneki’s ankles and looked affronted by his cold attitude. It flapped its wings and tried to land in her brother’s lap, causing him to spill the coffee he’d been sipping while swearing profusely.  
  
  
There was no doubt; the Mandarin ducks reminded her of Tsukiyama.

 

~~~~~

  
  
Since she’d discovered at least two people she knew were a lot like the birds in the enclosure, Hinami wanted to find the rest. Her and Kaneki walked at a sedate pace from display to display, admiring all the different species living in Japan.  
  
  
She didn’t know many of their names, but it seemed Kaneki had a nearly encyclopedic knowledge of various species and their habits ( _he’d mumbled about a friend, hobbies, and never forgetting information he’d read more than once_ ). He was always willing to provide her with their names and a fact or two. It made relating them to her friends easier.   
 

…

  
  
The red-flanked bluetail was like her mother. They were small and unassuming, though undeniably cute. They had a sweet voice and descended upon her fingers and shoulders when she whistled back at them. They were the only birds whose call she could emulate well enough to summon them to her.

 

…

  
  
The bohemian waxwing had a spiky crest and black face-feathers that looked like angry eyebrows. It was round, unthreatening, and had a tiny beak. Primarily, according to Kaneki, it ate the red berries growing on the spiky bushes in its enclosure.  
  
  
When she’d tried to copy the noise it made, the tiny bird had puffed up in a weak attempt at intimidation. It was so round and fluffy looking that she’d tried to poke at it and the bird had flown away in terror, peeping its last words back over it’s shoulder.  
  
  
It brought images of Banjou to mind, especially when it joined up with three others of its ilk to chitter at her. 

 

…

  
  
The Japanese grosbeak looked a lot like Nishiki. She shared this revelation with Kaneki and watched carefully as his pale cheeks reddened minutely. Furtively, Kaneki shot a glance towards the grosbeak, then back at her expectant face. He opened his mouth to say something, however only a strangled noise escaped.   
  
  
"Onii-chan, are you ok?"   
  
  
Hinami worried, placing her hands over Kaneki's cheeks and forehead, testing for a fever. Again, he glanced at the bird. It glared back at him and picked at its feet with its massive curved beak.  
  
  
“It’s the beak…”  
  
  
Kaneki struggled to say, disregarding her cool hands on his face. Hinami looked at him inquiringly and then at the bird. Slowly the meaning of his words dawned on her.  
  
  
“Nishiki’s nose isn’t that big…”  
  
  
Hinami trailed off, realizing that it was definitely the beak. It was curved downwards and bright yellow, giving the bird a sassy appearance. Its beak was also too big for its tiny head.  
  
  
“His mouth is too big for his body…sounds about right.”  
  
  
Kaneki cackled, his antagonistic relationship with Nishiki finally rearing its ugly head. Hinami fought the equally evil laughter rising in her throat in a last-ditch effort to be polite to her elders She failed miserably of course, but Nishiki didn’t need to know that.

 

…

  
  
The scary-looking and shockingly intelligent jackdaws would’ve been Uta’s favourite animals if he had been there to see them. Their eyes glittered with clever intent and Kaneki said that they often filled their nests with things they found interesting.  
  
  
One of them had circled Kaneki’s head insistently, trying to get its talons around the glittering rings in his ears. Kaneki had swatted it away as gently as he could, but the bird kept returning with more devious plans.  
  
  
Eventually, he’d simply tugged one of the rings free and set it on the ground for the jackdaw to take. He’d also quoted something that sounded like a play, reciting,  
  
  
_“A covetous fellow, like a jackdaw, steals what he was never made to enjoy for the sake of hiding it.”_  
  
  
She couldn’t see how it related to Uta, however Kaneki’s grim expression when he said it spoke volumes. She liked the mask-maker. Like didn’t always equal trust, though, and so Hinami repeated the quote many times over inside of her head. 

 

…

 

The Japanese crested ibis’s red fleshy face, when viewed from just the right angle, looked like Koma’s demon ape mask. Kaneki had squinted at her and at the ibis in mild confusion, trying to find the angle she had. Eventually, he agreed with her decision, but as they left Kaneki kept turning his head subtly to stare at the bird in frustrated accusatory confusion.  
  
  
She snapped a photo of his expression when he wasn’t looking ( _it was one she’d never seen before_ ). 

  
…

  
The manager was a grey swan. Kaneki said he was probably a snowy owl, however Hinami was absolute in her choice. The grey swans were strong and graceful, skimming by their lonesome through the water by the other birds. The ate water reeds and bread, unlike the predatory snowy owl.  
  
  
The swans were beautiful and she would paid no heed to Kaneki’s warnings of “ill-temperment”. She just wouldn’t touch them ( _better safe than sorry_ ). 

  
…

 

At some point, Kaneki tugged her off the path so they could sneak around in the bushes, far away from the few other visitors there. They sat in a dry sandy patch with fair coverage and inspected the area for more avian oddities.  
  
  
A sleek looking bird with angry eyebrow markings jumping down from a branch overhead to inspect Hinami. It twittered at her, hopping from side to side, inclining its head this way and that. Soon, it seemed to settle of liking her.  
  
  
It fluttered to the ground and pecked at her shoes, straying just out of reach whenever her hands tried to grasp at it.  
  
  
“It’s an eyebrowed thrush. They’re bossy little things, aren’t they? I like the look on their faces.”  
  
  
Kaneki kindly informed her, leaning back on his elbows. The thrush gave him a once over and her brother remained as still as a statue while he waited for the bird’s verdict. It ran over to him, repeated its inspection, and then flew to perch itself on the tip of his boots.  
  
  
It then turned its attention back to Hinami, shifting around and continuing to dodge her hands without leaving its position.  
  
  
A questioning coo came from behind Kaneki and Hinami saw him stiffen minutely.  
  
  
“Oh.”  
  
  
He gasped, leaving Hinami to try and peer curiously ( _along with the thrush_ ) over Kaneki’s slightly raised shoulders to follow his gaze.  
  
  
An absolutely puny owl gazed at her brother from a hole in the ground and, as she watched, it made the same querying sound again.  
  
  
Kaneki slowly let his body relax. His head settled against the dirt and he turned his head away from the owl, signalling Hinami to do the same. 

  
“These guys, burrowing owls, are different than most owls, Hinami.”  
  
  
He announced without provocation.  
  
  
“They are active during the day instead of at night. They do their hunting in the evening, just as the sun begins to set.”  
  
  
He smiled then, a secretive and morose little quirk of his lips.  
  
  
“They’re inquisitive but won’t come out if things bigger than them are staring, so we need to pretend this one isn’t here.”  


The owl cooed as if verifying Kaneki’s statement. The eyebrowed thrush began to preen itself in the silence that settled between them. Hinami watched from the corner of her eye as the owl began to shuffle out of its burrow, bringing its head extremely close to Kaneki’s ear.  
  
  
It made another deliberate sound and stood stock-still for a moment. When nobody moved, it proceeded to tug on Kaneki’s remaining earrings ( _an industrial bar and a series of heavy silver studs_ ). Hinami frowned in jealousy as the thrush decided to join in on the party, niggling at Kaneki’s other ear.  
  
  
“Don’t sulk,”  
  
  
He whispered, crooking a finger to beckon her closer.  
  
  
“Lie down and stay just as still as me. They’ll come over to you too.”  
  
  
She did as he asked and was, over time, covered in small birds. Satisfied as she was now, Kaneki’s melancholy expression lingered in her mind. Maybe, even though the owls didn’t remind her of anyone, they were like the person Kaneki wouldn’t name.

  
…

  

Blue rock thrushes were like Touka, even if Kaneki said the females weren’t blue. They were quick hunters and flew in tight sharp arcs like Touka did when she ran. The underside of their wings, tails, and chests were also the bright bright red of Touka’s kagune.  
  
  
She loved seeing her adoptive sister in something like this, a bird that was free of restraints and able to soar high above the earth, even if Touka despised Loser. It made Hinami feel a certain lightness, one that she didn’t often feel nowadays.  
  
  
When Kaneki said the fairy pittas were ‘her bird’, the lightness in Hinami’s chest overflowed into a better, bigger feeling. She felt hopeful for herself and for her friends.  
  
  
Being here, surrounded by joy, dry and safe from the rain outside, Hinami felt like the future wouldn’t be so bad. Her friends were fighting everyday against bad people and things, trying to make the world a safer place. Someday she hoped they could become symbols of freedom too.  
  
  
She hoped they could live unrestrained, flying freely in the sky like the Doves could.

  
  
~~~~~~

  
  
The day was long and the rain was still beating down outside. Kaneki had promised that they could stay here until the park closed or the sun came out. Hinami hadn’t stopped being afraid of the way water muffled the signs of a threat approaching. She wasn’t magically swept away by the idea that everything would be alright. However, for the time being, Hinami was content. That was all that really mattered.  
  
  
We all live our lives one day at a time.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> The quote Kaneki brings up is from "The Beggar's Opera", a popular 18th century satirical opera. The characters were all very ordinary people and the opera focused on themes of corruption and injustice in all levels of society. The main character was someone who manages to elude all classical interpretations, somehow hovering between "hero" and "anti-hero". He's the captain of a gang of robbers and quite the interesting guy. 
> 
> PS. Does it sound weird to have her refer to Kaneki as onii-chan out loud but "brother" in text? I really can't settle on a way to include honourifics in my work.
> 
> PPS. What would you guys like to see next? I have a one-shot lying around talking about Uta's thoughts on Kaneki (The Velveteen Rabbit), another about the Kirishima family and blood oaths, or one about Amon being forced to do karaoke with Akira during his angst phase.


End file.
